Lonely and Cold
by Silkylion10
Summary: ONESHOT Satoshi reflects on his feelings and his future...One sided SatoDai


A/N: The first song, 'The Other Side Of The World' doesn't belong to me, but to KT Tunstall. I mussed up the pronouns though. The second song, 'Lonely Girl' also doesn't belong to me, but to Sandi Thom. I had to change the pronouns and whatever to fit in though, so it's now Lonely Boy…

'Why do I have to be like this? Why do I have to be the one who is born into this family?' I asked myself over and over again. 'I want to be normal! I don't want to be the host to a homicidal maniac that happens to look like an angel! I want to be able to have friends without endangering them! I want to be NORMAL!'

_Over the sea and far away_

_He's waiting like an iceberg_

_Waiting to change_

_But he's cold inside_

_He wants to be like the water_

Yet another day at school, yet another day of hiding from everyone, just observing everything. I didn't need to go. I had learnt all this stuff by the time I was seven.

_All the muscles tighten in his face_

_Buries his soul in one embrace_

_They're one and the same_

_Just like water_

Actually most of what I observe is just one boy. My little fire… I love him, I know that. But he'll never be interested in me as anything more than a friend. It pains me to say it but that's all there ever will be between us…friendship. He has the older Harada sister to love and be happy with. Seeing him happy makes me content but I wish it was I making him happy, not Harada-san…

_The fire fades away_

_Most of every day_

_Is full of tired excuses_

_But it's too hard to say_

_I wish it were simple_

_But we give up easily_

_You're close enough to see_

_You're the other side of the world to me_

Slowly I'm disappearing, not being me anymore. I have to hide everything from everyone. Daisuke comes up to me and I immediately hide any emotion that was previously in my face. I just hide, even from someone who considers me to be their best friend. The person that's in the most danger. But I have to avoid, I have to hide.

_On comes the panic light_

_Holding on with fingers and feelings alike_

_But the time has come_

_To move along_

Slowly, Daisuke leaves me. He slowly needs me for less and less, now Dark and Krad are gone. I used to me his line that he held onto to help himself. I used to be the shoulder to cry –well, not exactly, but you get my drift- and now I just sit there, wanting happiness and being ignored.

_The fire fades away_

_Most of every day_

_Is full of tired excuses_

_But it's too hard to say_

_I wish it were simple_

_But we give up easily_

_You're close enough to see_

_You're the other side of the world to me_

I want to be able to help him and to have him help me in return. But now he leaves me alone as much as the others do. I wonder what he feels for me now…just another person…just one that happens to have had a homicidal manic in his head.

_Can you help me_

_Can you let me go_

_And can you still love me_

_When you can't see me anymore_

School's out and I've no work. I go down to the river and sit. Sometimes I draw, but most of the time I just sit and watch the water flowing next to me. Many people notice me and watch me. I send them a glare and they leave. I have no-one now, I want to be alone.

_I sometimes see him down by the river_

_The water dances on his skin_

_And he captivates you with his eyes_

_But he'll never let you in_

_And in the dark he lingers_

_Like a tear without a soul_

I have on-one to help me. I've only had people look after me, because of my family or they want the all the money that I inherited. I just want to find someone I can spend happiness with but now I know. There's no point, no-one will ever want me.

_And oh what a lonely boy_

_Trying to find his way in this mixed up messed up world_

_And I've seen so many faces just like his_

_So many broken hearts in the world_

_And oh what a lonely, what a lonely boy_

I can't spend my afternoons by the river now. The weather is unpredictable. It's cold outside now and I can't help but feel saddened. I've lived all my life in the cold. All I want in my life is warmth, but now that little warmth I had is fading. I only just realised now, warmth love happiness. I want happiness with someone I love. They will give me warmth. But now I know I will never get it.

_Lately he's been watching the weather_

_The weather doesn't know what to do_

_Cos sometimes when it's cold outside_

_That's when he's feeling blue_

_I see through the sadness_

_Deep within his soul_

_All he wants to have is someone he can love_

_To make him whole_

I want somebody to help me when I need it, someone to help when they need it. The only person that ever gave me that is fading from my life. The only person I'll ever love has now broken my heart. Friendship just isn't enough for me. I wish it was.

_And oh what a lonely boy_

_Trying to find his way in this mixed up messed up world_

_And I've seen so many faces just like his_

_So many broken hearts in the world_

_And oh what a lonely, what a lonely boy_

I wish somebody actually liked me for what was inside the cold, icy outside, not somebody who wanted me for my looks. The first person do that I love, but I have to let them go to where they are happy.

_Isn't it incredible, oh isn't it regrettable_

_He found sweet love, but then he let it go_

_And I've seen so many faces just like his_

_So many broken hearts in the world_

I want somebody to love, to stay with me…I'll never get that comfort…I'm destined for a life alone…

_And oh what a lonely, what a lonely…_

_And oh what a lonely boy_

_Trying to find his way in this mixed up messed up world_

_And I've seen so many faces just like his_

_So many broken hearts in this world_

I'm destined for a life alone…

_And oh what a lonely, what a lonely boy_

_And oh what a lonely, what a lonely boy_

A/N: This is so much sadder than I normally write… I heard the songs and they were perfect for it, so I wrote it. I hope you like my first attempt at a sad fic…

Extra A/N: I've sorted out the pronoun trouble, thanks to WaterSpirit1 for pointing it out to me


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